…pALaKa…

The following is semi-fictitious.  It’s totally a product of the author’s mind.

Enjoy reading…

For almost two years, I feel like there has been no growth in our relationship.  The things and favors you had asked me to do, I have always done half-heartedly.  Seldom did I do things for you out of my own free will.  I always feel that there is this force that always compels me to obey you.  And I feel heavy with it.

Last night you kept on asking me if I want to quit.  I was tempted to say yes.  It’s not that I totally want to quit.  We’ve been together for almost two years.  I don’t want that to go to waste.  What I want is sort of a cool off.  I think “no strings attached” is the proper term.  It’s more of like “parang tayo pero hindi.”  I want to do things on my own.  Kinda selfish?  No.  In fact, I was thinking of you.  It would be unfair in your part if I allow our relationship to continue with only you willing to fight for it.  It would hurt you more if things would be like that.

But I am being tormented by another problem.  I can’t say all these things to you.  Why?  Remember that during our first months together I made you a promise?  I said, “I’ll never leave you.”  And that includes not leaving you even I a time will come that I don’t love you anymore.  Why?  Because I believe that a heart that has lost love will have it back when it’s with a heart that loves.

I love you.  I still do.  But somehow I feel that things would be better between us if we remove the strings…if we remove the things that bind us together making us like “prisoners” of each other.  (Or maybe I’m the only one who feels like a prisoner?)

The things I have said may sound selfish for others.  But I know for some I’m thinking the right thing.  Still, others may have a different opinion or judgment in mind.  Whatever people think of, I respect it.

I am one suffering soul.  But I know for sure you are also suffering.  Maybe much more.  How I wish I could say these things in front of you, one-on-one, heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye, me-to-you.  But for now, let it be this way.

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