…pALaKa…

kahapon ay mayroong tatlong special events na nangyari.  una ay ang hostage taking sa may liwasang bonifacio sa maynila.  pangalawa, ang pagtatapos sa kolehiyo ng kapatid ko.  sa wakas.  panghuli, syempre, ang monthsary namin ng baby ko.

kwento.

alas-kwatro ng hapon simula ng  graduation ni bunsot.  alas-dos pa lang umalis na ako ng opisina.  undertime.  ayos lang.  sa le pavillion yung venue.  so pumunta akong lawton.  balak ko sanang mag-fx hanggang edsa.  kaso walang dumarating na fx.  dala kasi nung hostage taking.  sarado kasi mga kalye.  so nag tren na lang ako.

pagbaba ko ng edsa station ay sumakay ako ng jeep na biyaheng mall of asia.  muntik pang hulihin ng kotong cop yung driver dahil sa akin.  sumakay kasi ako kahit bawal.  ahahahaha.  anyway, bumaba ako sa may malapit sa toyota.  tapos nilakad ko na lang hanggang le pavillion.  pucha ang init!  syet!

ok forward.  graduation rites na.  dahil cruz kami, isa sa mga unang tinawag si bunsot.  pagkababa niya ng stage, umalis na ako.  dahil yung isa sa mga babae ng buhay ko (tatlo sila bale: si mamu, si bunsot at si baby ko) e papunta ng RP.

forward ulit.  dumating na ako ng RP.  nagkita na kami.  pucha!  ang ganda niya!  ang sexy pa!  bahala na kayo kung ano iisipin nyo sa akin pero di lang siya maganda, hot pa!  nagpagupit siya.  sa unang tingin di halata.  pero pag tinignang mabuti e mapapansin naman.  nagpa-layered siya.  ah pucha ang ganda niya!  bi ang ganda-ganda mo talaga kahapon!

akyat kaming 4th floor, bibili ng ice cream.  nagke-crave kasi kami sa selecta moo ice cream.  e wala.  kaya ayun baba kami sa 3rd floor, puntang g-box, may nakitang nagtitinda ng belgian sundae cone, bumili kami, naglakad papasok ng g-box habang kumakain ng ice cream at magkayakap.

nang maubos na ang aming kinakain, bumili kami ng tokens.  hehehehe.  heto na.  arcade to the beat na.  marvel vs. capcom muna nilaro namin.  gusto ko kasi siya bawian.  tinalo niya kasi ako dun for three consecutive times dati.  ayun nabawian ko naman.  hahahaha.  tapos tekken tag.  3-1 ang standing namin.  hehehehe.  tapos yung gem fighters na.  taena talo ako.  hahaha.  kunwari di raw siya marunong.  langya expert pala dun yung asawa ko.  hahaha.  ok lang.  nag-enjoy naman ako eh.  muntik na nga siya umabot sa final boss eh.  dalawang kalaban na lang sana.  kaso natalo na siya.  sumakit na kamay.  pero proud ako.  galing eh.  bawat panalo niya hinahalikan ko pa siya sa pisngi.  hehehehe.  after nun nag air hockey kami.  talo ako.  kasi naman may pampa-distract siya sa akin.  ayun.  tapos yung huli naming token eh pinanood niya ako maglaro ng jet ski ata.  hehehehe.

after arcade e libot lang kami.  kumain nang saglit sa wendy’s.  tapos nakipagkita kina dadoy at bunsot sa chef d’angelo (9pm na nun).  kumain kami together with my dad and sister.  hehehehe.

matapos nun eh hinatid ko na siya sa kanila.  sa jeep may nakatabi pa kaming amoy arabo.  literal!  pucha ang baho talaga!  hahaha!

ang saya ng mansari namin.  mas masaya kami ngayon.  mas solid.  mas malakas.

kimi wo ai shitsuzukeru, baby.  i will keep on loving you, baby.

"so much for all the promises you made, they served you well and now you’re gone and they’re wasted on me.

so much for you endearing sense of charm, it served you well and now it’s gone and you’re wasted on me."

some lines from the song "rapid hope loss" by dashboard confessional.

eversince my childhood, my parents would everyday assure me that they would never separate.  so i grew up thinking that i would have a complete family until the day i die.  but that picture was shattered when they decided to separated when i was fourteen.  i was hurt.  i felt betrayed.

when i was 16, i courted a girl (who’s now a good friend of mine and is currently the girlfriend of my very good friend, carlo).  she told me that there’s hope.  may patutunguhan ang aking panliligaw.  but then, after several months of continuous courting, she said that friendship is all she can give to me.  talk about hope.  this was the second time i felt betrayed.

december 2002.  i met another girl.  she became my girlfriend.  the times spent with her were the happiest days of my life.  so i thought.  after eleven months of sweetness, love and a promise of her not leaving me, we broke up.  she broke up with me.  strike three.

i don’t know what do you call a man who sticks at others’ words.  but i am like that.  if a promise has been made to me, i really expect that promise to be fulfilled.  if a friend of mine says he will meet me at this date, time and place, i expect him to be there, unless a real emergency happened or he cancelled it earlier.  and if it has been set that we will see each other, i would really expect and set my mind that we will see each other.

that’s why i am going nuts.  that’s the reason i am going berserk now.  i am hurt.

how does one make up to a person whom he has broken a promise with?  will the trust be the same?  will the love still be the same?

others might find me weird or over-reacting.  but there are people who easily put their trust and high hopes on others especially if those people have already been a part of their lives. 

i am one of them.

"ayoko na.  pagod na ako."

i don’t know.  just a couple of minutes ago i felt tired.  tired of what?  life…….??

i really don’t know.  i really just felt tired of everything.  i just felt down and depressed.  but i don’t want to end everything.  maybe it’s just that i thought of my problems much.

my baby told me to think of my blessings.  for a change.  i always do.  it just so happened that my mind was triggered by something (i don’t know what) that made me think of negative things again.  this will pass.  i am not always like this.

maybe i am just tired.  i have not been feeling lively since this morning.  and maybe the fact that i want to leave this place affects my thinking.

maybe.

a friend once asked me this question:

"if your partner had experienced cheating on his past relationships, what’s your assurance that he won’t do it again with you?  is love enough an assurance?"

honestly, i wasn’t able to answer her immediately.  the question really made me think.  now, i have the answer, i guess.

but let me first tell you a story.  once there was this young lady who fell in love with a young man.  they were so deeply in love that they lasted for two years.  unfortunately, their love came to an end.  but it was not the typical break-up where in one leaves the other.  in her case, both of them decided to part ways.  whatever their reason was, nobody knew.  however, before separating, the young man said, "i will tell you something.  i guess i have to say this now since this might be the last time we’ll talk."

"what is it?" the young lady asked.

"i have been dating other girls when we were still together."

"oh really?" she smiled.  "that’s alright.  it’s part of the past already."  she paused.  then she continued, "since when?"

"about a month after our first year anniversary until last month."

it came hard on her.  like an arrow hitting an apple.  still, she showed no sign of being hurt.  "never mind it.  thanks for being honest."

and they separated.

my answer is this: there is no assurance if our partner truly loves us or not.  all we can rely on is the trust we have for him/her.  the young lady in the story never had thought that her man was dating others.  she was convinced that he was his only girl when they were together.  but his confession proved her wrong.  the same thing applies to us.  we can never assure ourselves if our partners are doing something fishy behind our backs.  if they tell us they love us and that we are their only one, all we can do is to trust their statement.  that’s all.  if your partner has no history of being a flirt or if cheating is not a part of his/her personality, then it’s better.  but still, that cannot be an assurance.  for people change.  time changes people.  a holy type person now can be a devil tomorrow.  and vice versa.

so what shall we do?

nandemonai.  nothing.  just keep on trusting.  and keep on loving.

i hope this would suffice.

A.I. stands for artificial intelligence.  it also stands for the number one show in america, american idol.  but i think it’s more proper to say it stands for american idiots.

last night’s the final elimination round for the top 24.  only 12 will make it to the finals.  compared to the previous seasons of american idol, this is the most disappointing.  i can’t believe my eyes and ears when i learned of the result.  sundance was out of the competition?!  and the one who’s expected to be our so very long already made it to the top 12.  i mean, hey, i don’t have anything against sanjaya but hello, it’s very obvious that sundance’s better than him.  my sister and i got disappointed.  and i am sure we are not the only ones who felt the same sentiment.  the three judges were all surprised!!!  the same result happened with the girls.  sabrina out and haley in?!?  goodness gracious!  what’s happening to america?!  sabrina’s so good.  as for haley?  well simon didn’t even know her name!

i have to be honest.  i lost the drive to watch this season’s american idol.  goodness.  my cousin’s right.  americans are one of the most stupid people in the planet.

american idol should better change its name.

so boring.  and when times like this come, i tend to think of many things.  like now.  i am thinking when i will die.  i just wanna know the exact date and time of my death.  wouldn’t that be cool?

"this is where i say i’ve had enough and no one should feel the way that i feel now.  walking open wounds, a trophy display of bruises, and i don’t believe that i’m getting any better, any better.  waiting here with hopes the phone will ring and i’m thinking awful things, pretty sure that a few would notice.  and this apartment is starving for an argument, anything at all to break the silence.  wondering this out like i never wondered out, and this about the social as i get now.  and i am throwing away the letters that i am writing you coz they will never do, i will never do, never.  waiting here with hopes the phone will ring and i’m thinking awful things, pretty sure that a few would notice.  and this apartment is starving for an argument, anything at all to break the silence.  so don’t be a liar, don’t say that everything’s working when everything’s broken and you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the jokes on me."  lyrics from the saints and sailors by dashboard confessional.  i am listening to it now.  nuts.

let’s say you have a dream of working overseas.  you have a significant other whom you have loved more than all your past relationships combined.  you have been together for more than four years.  will you still leave knowing that once you do, everything will be over?  will you choose career over love?  or will you risk everything just to remain in the arms of your beloved, uncertain of what the future may hold for the two you but happy?

i feel stagnant.  i think it’s time for me to move forward.  but the problem is, right now, i haven’t had that much courage yet to talk.  damn.  this sucks.

i think the next american idol this season will come from the ranks of the girls.  they are far much better than the guys.  but i think blake lewis and chris richardson will enter the top 5 with melinda doolittle and lakisha jones.  i am not sure who’s the other.  well those are my bets so far.  but sometimes americans are stupid.  don’t ask me why.  they just are.  and there are times they are discriminating.  may be this is just my hunch but it really shows.  sometimes they vote not according to voice but looks.  a good example is last season’s AI.  mandisa is way better than katharine mcphee.  i was surprised mandisa did not even reach the top 5.  i think she’s the better choice.  but still taylor hicks would defeat her.  hehe.  well i am a taylor hicks fan.  mandisa is a good singer.  but we have to understand that women naturally have higher voices than us men.  but taylor hicks can sing high notes.  aww enough with american idol.

my mind’s not really fixed on a point.  no focus.  scattered.  this is what you get when you are alone and bored.

somebody kill me please.