PAANO PAG UMALIS SIYA?
does long distance relationship really work? is love enough to keep it burning? or does presence really have a big factor in keeping it last?
i have been "troubled" by these thoughts ever since a friend of mine told me his problem late last night.
let’s call my friend gel and his girl, marcy.
gel learned that marcy’s uncle has the desire of taking her to florida once she passed the boards. marcy is a nursing graduate who just took the nursing licensure exams last month. the two of them have been together for 4 years now and counting. marcy’s a year younger than he.
so what’s his problem?
actually, gel and i share something in common: we don’t believe in long distance relationship. okay. maybe "belief" shouldn’t be the word. let’s say, rather, that we can’t handle a long-distance relationship. so that’s his problem.
"i told her kasi that if she goes abroad, break kami kasi nga di ko talaga kaya," he told me (i heard this before ;])
"and what did she say?" your resident dr.love asked.
"she said she’s having 2nd thoughts on us. bakit pa raw kailangan mag-invest kung alam din naman pala naming pag may nag abroad e maghihiwalay? di raw niya ako makitaan ng tapang na ipaglaban relationship namin. yun nga matagal na rin daw kami. kumbaga nasa ibang level na pagsasama namin. di raw ba pwedeng kayanin? i am confused and hurting tol."
"obviously."
"any advice?"
"well," i started. "i can’t really give you an advice on that. pareho tayo eh. ako rin sa sarili ko alam kong hindi ko kaya yung ganun. but why not try? how about marrying her first?"
"baliw ka ba? for what? para talian ko siya?"
"kinda….? i mean, ganito kasi…ako kasi i believe kung magkasintahan pa lang and one has to leave for abroad, break…kasi there’ll be no growth…remember pao and her gf? you yourself those two won’t last for five years. di ba nga kasi si pao five years pa bago ulit bumalik dito. the problem with long distance is you tend to hold on something that is so unclear. pero kung mag-asawa na kayo, ibang usapan. you will really hold on to that. yung kahit may makilala kayong iba, maliit na lang yung possibility na ma-fall kayo dun kasi una nyong iisipin e yung marriage nyo. unlike pag mag nobyo/nobya pa lang. pwede kayong bumitaw anytime. pero pag mag-asawa e di ganun kadaling bumitaw. but, here’s the big but…if you’ll marry just because you wanna be sure you’ll have her back, that’s not good also. yung sinasabi kong mag-asawa na set-up e pag matagal na kayong kasal bago pa man umalis asawa mo. nage-gets mo ba?"
he just nodded.
i continued, "you know i have already asked different people on that issue. most men can’t. some can. some women can’t too but others can. i think it all depends on the person. and on the couple also. nasa inyo pare. meet halfway. compromise. sacrifice. the usual stuff. but this time, on a bigger scale."
silence. a very long one.
"tol," finally he spoke. "di naman sa di ko maipaglaban relasyon namin. i even told her that i was wrong in saying na di ako makikialam kung sakaling i-petition siya ng tito niya."
"sinabi mo yun?! baka!"
"bakajanai yo! kaya nga binawi ko e. kasi napagtanto ko na mali. napagtanto ko na makikialam ako kahit magalit pa ng iba. pero paano kung gusto niya talaga? ano magagawa ng tapang ko kung yung pinaglalaban ko mismo ang may gustong umalis?"
"sinabi niya ba talagang gusto niya?"
"well, she told me this: ‘di ko alam. magulo isip ko. ang daming risks. before i met you, buo na ang desisyon ko to take up nursing tapos abroad. ngayon magulo…ayoko pa isipin o magbitiw ng salita kahit sa iyo o kanino…’ those were her exact words. tumatak talaga sa isip ko yung mga yun."
"naku pare mahirap yan. uhm, to be safe, just wait. yun na lang magagawa mo. limited ang options mo eh. parang ako. so tignan natin. then come back."
"tol do i still have the time?"
"wakaranai. but for now we’ll wait while studying the possible options."
"like what?"
"like, for example, uhm…go with her…?
"pare alam mong wala akong balak magtrabaho abroad…parang ikaw. alam mo sa sarili mo na di ka liligaya dun."
"ay oo nga pala. ahahaha. e kaya nga compromise eh. ako kasi if ever Baby decides to work abroad, and talagang gusto niya, at di ko siya mapipigilan, i’m gonna try to convince her to work, let’s say, to singapore. and i’ll go with her there. well, for now yun pa lang naiisip ko. matagal pa naman kasi bago siya maging nurse. marami pa pwede mangyari. baka mamaya gumanda na ekonomiya rito at hindi na kailanganin ang magtrabaho sa ibang bansa di ba? so ayun."
"buti ka pa may oras. e ako?"
"kaya nga iisipin natin mga options bago pa tuluyang mawala ang oras eh."
so we ended up thinking of the options. until now we haven’t come up with a good one. but i have to end my story here.
jaa ne?
