…pALaKa…

"are you the jealous type?" a question from an online survey once asked.

for a moment i paused.  i pondered for a while to examine if in fact i am the jealous type or not.  then i wrote, "nope.  now, yes."

i used to be the person who doesn’t really care or get jealous or whatsoever if someone asks for the number of my girl or if she has a number of guy friends.  i see jealousy as a sign of being over-protective and over-possessive.  being jealous is like saying having no or little trust to the person you love.  but it seems to me the tables have been turned.

is jealousy really a sign of being over-protective and over-possessive?  or could one say that jealousy is also a sign saying that a certain person is afraid of losing the most important part of his life?

it is a fact of life that no matter how much a person loves you, that person is still capable of not loving you and loving someone else.  it is also a fact that there are people who can steal your loved one away from you.  the possibilities are endless.  but in the end, it’s your love (yours and your partner’s) that will prevail.

i always believe that both parties should always work things out together.  i remember a professor friend of mine told me that it is always the guy who should handle the relationship.  but i begged to differ.  for me, both should.  because in the long run, it’s going to be the two of you who will face and solve the problems to come.

i think it is alright to be jealous at times because it shows how much we care and how much we are afraid to lose our partner.  but it’s not good if jealousy becomes the spark of petty quarrels.  and if this becomes frequent then the relationship might die a natural death.

we should turn our jealousy into kindness.  we should put effort in making a positive effect out of our jealousy.  in that way, we could show our partner how much we care for them, how much we are afraid to lose them, and they would in turn see that they are never wrong in choosing us.

love.  be jealous.  and love again.

naging ugali ko na ang magbasa ng headline ng mga dyaryo sa tuwing papasok ako sa trabaho para sa ganun eh kahit di ako makabili eh di ako nahuhuli sa mga balita.  minsan nakikibasa sa katabi ko sa lrt.  at kung sinuswerte naman ay nakakakuha ako ng libre o standard express bago sumakay ng tren.

kanina eto ang tumambad sa akin: pinahihinto raw ng malacañang ang quick count na ginagawa ng dalawang higanteng networks, ang ABS-CBN at GMA7.  sumunod na rin ang comelec sa pakiusap na huwag nang ituloy ng nasabing networks ang pagbibilang ng mga boto.

napangiwi ako at nainis pagkabasa ko nito.  oo may point ang comelec.  tanging namfrel nga lang naman ang credited nila na maglabas ng mga partial count.  pero ano ang dahilan ng malacañang?  bakit sa mga nagdaang eleksyon e wala naman akong nabalitaang ganito lalo na noong 2004 presidential elections?  hahaha! isa lang nasa isip ko.  ito ay dahil tatlo lang sa mga manok ng pangulo ang pasok sa magic 12.  at unofficial pa ito.  maaari pang magbago ang ihip ng hangin.  baka maging isa na lang.  o dalawa.  hahahaha!

tignan mo nga naman ang kapangitan ng ugali ng pokemon na yan.  sore loser ka pikachu!  wahahaha!  pag ikaw ang lamang ayos lang sa iyo na mag quick count.  pero pag talo ka, ayaw mong malaman ng iba.  taena!

at teka!  isa rin kayang dahilan e may balak na naman silang mandaya?  tignan nyo: kung walang quick count, hindi kaagad malalaman ng madla ang resulta ng eleksiyon.  tanging comelec at namfrel lang ang nakakaalam ng resulta.  at dahil hindi nakikita ng taong bayan ang partial count, hindi mo masasabi kung sino talaga ang lamang sa kasalukuyan.  at pag naglabas na ang comelec ng resulta, most likely, official at final na yun.  ano ang kasiguraduhan natin na hindi dinoktor yung mga yun?  di ba?  pag may quick count, nakikita ang progreso ng bilangan.  nape-predict kaagad ng taong bayan kung sino ang most likely na makakapasok sa magic 12.  at pag biglang nagbago yung resulta, mas obvious na dinaya.  pero pag walang quick count, mahirap patunayang dinaya kasi hindi nakita yung progreso at hindi nakapag-predict ang mga tao.

tsk.  politika talaga sadyang kay dumi.

QUIAPO - Quiet U I’m Pissed Off

IRAN - Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan

HOLLAND - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Die

INDIA - Inside Now Dahil Imbiyerna Ako

ilan lang sa mga kalokohang aming natutunan ni baby noong sabado, april 28, ika-apat na buwang mansari namin.  ahehehe.  saan namin natutunan?  sa sinehan.  "ang cute cute cute ang cute ng ina mo!"  oo nanood kami.  nagpaka-jologs kami.  pero sulit naman eh.  ahahaha!  nakakatawa!

pero bago nun, nagkita muna kami sa ministop, p.noval st., near ust gate.  syempre dahil mansari, nagpapogi ako.  at dahil mansari, nagpaganda rin siya.  but then again, maganda naman siya everyday.  pero pag mansari mas gumaganda siya.  blooming.  wow!  paano pa kaya sa anniv namin?  tsk.  baka dumugin kami ng mga fans namin.  lalo na siya. 

ok ok ok.  nagpalamig lang ako sandali sa ministop (kasi galing ako sa mahabang lakaran).  tapos tumuloy na kaming sm manila.  deretso kaagad kaming quantum.  gusto niya raw ng baril-barilan eh.  ayun nag baril-barilan kami.  tapos laro kami ng king of fighters.  hahaha!  talo ko siya!  tapos karera.  talo ako.  wahahaha!

tapos naglibot kami sa sm.  umakyat kami sa 5th floor, naghanap ng mauupuan at naglaro ng skul to finish.  hehehe.  tapos ayun nanood na ng cute ng ina mo at umuwi na.

parang ang boring noh?  parang napaka-common at usual ng date namin noh?  mukha lang pero hindi.  hehehe!

ang sarap ng sinigang!

i have mentioned in my previous blog that americans are idiots.  yes they are.  especially this year.  this year’s american idol season proved them to be.  but watching last night’s episode made me think twice.  well, i still believe that they are idiots.  but they are compassionate idiots i’d say.

this year’s a.i. season is more than just a singing contest.  the organizers/producers/makers of a.i. decided that this year, they would do some  charity works in africa and louisiana.

last night was a charity night program.  a 2-hour special.  a tearjerker.  my sister, my mom and i cried everytime they showed the situation of the children and families in different parts of africa.  and what’s more touching is that americans did not hesitate to donate for their welfare.  we were really moved.  but we were furious at the same time.  why?  because we thought of our fucking selfish politicians particularly pichay.

"grabe!  samantalang yung mga nangangampanya rito sa atin akala mo walang bukas kung gumastos ng pera.  lalo na yang si pichay.  imbes na ipanggastos niya eh bakit hindi na lang niya ginamit yun para tulungan yung mahihirap dito!"  these were my sister’s words.  and she’s right.

many people keep on complaining about the country’s poverty.  but if they would only see last night’s show, i wonder if they would still have the guts to complain.  upon seeing last night’s a.i. episode, i realized once again that i have no right to complain with whatever problem i encounter or have.  especially when i saw the eyes of the african children.  no sign of complain can be seen.

enough.  i have to stop writing this.  it reminds me of last night.  i can see their faces once again.  and my tears are running down my cheeks once more.

if there is one person who is very much disappointed and disheartened by pacquiao’s win, that would be me.  it’s not because i lost 500 bucks to my wife, but because that win gave him another reason to run for a seat in congress.

i really wanted him to lose.  he’s such an airhead.  akala niya porke malaking karangalan ang nadadala niya sa ating bansa e karapat-dapat na siyang mamuno rito.  oh yes he has the right to run.  every filipino has the right to be a politician.  but does he deserve it?  fucking no!  too much air went to his head.  what does he know about law making?!  what does he know about running a part of the government?!  i am not discriminating him but i firmly believe that each of us should know where our place is, where we should stand.  yes he is a good boxer, no doubt about that.  but will he be a good politician?  whoever says yes is more stupid than him.  why can’t he just concentrate on boxing?  and yet he claims that he won’t leave boxing once he wins as congressman.  so would that mean he would neglect his duties as a congressman?  he cannot do two things at the same time especially when those two things need different levels of intelligence to be able to perform each.

why do i want him to lose badly?  because i want him to realize that it’s not everyday that the sun will shine above his head.  it’s not everyday that he will be on the pedestal where he is now.  it’s not everyday that he will find himself on top.  i want him to realize that he is not capable of doing everything.  too bad he can’t see.  the air in his head clouds his vision.

manny’s a shithead, a gullible, an airhead and most of all a moron.  and those who will vote for him are dumbest of all.

i won’t ask any pardon because i know many people would agree with me.

PUTANGINA AYOKO NA TALAGA!  AYOKO NG GANITO!  PUTA PUTA PUTA PUTA PUTA!  PAGOD NA AKO!  SYET!  FUCK FUCK FUCK!  GUSTO KO NA LANG MAHIGA AT MAMATAY!  TAENA!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  PUTANGINANG BUHAY YAN!  PHAKSIET!

PUTANGINA IKAW BA NAMAN ANG MALAGAY SA SITWASYON KO!  TANGINA TALAGA!  TANGINA TALAGA MGA TAO!  WOHOO!  PUTA GUSTO KO MAMBOMBA!  GUSTO KO PUMATAY PERO GUSTO KO YUNG TO-TORTURE-IN KO MUNA PARA MAS MASAYA!  PARA MAS MAKITA KONG NAGHIHIRAP SILA!  WOHOO MASAYA YUN!  TATANGGALAN KO NG KUKO, GUGUPITIN KO UNTI-UNTI NG NAILCUTTER YUNG UTONG NILA, BABALATAN KO NG BUHAY, TATAPYASIN KO YUNG TENGA, LALAGARIIN KO YUNG PAA, BUBUHUSAN KO NG ASIDO YUNG ARI, GANUN!  PUTA TALAGA!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

patlang.

haaay.

solb.  ayos na ako.  back to work.  hehe.  buti na lang may blog na pwede paglabasan lahat ng sama ng loob at bigat ng dibdib.

wag nyo na lang pansinin mga nasabi ko.  hahahaha! =)

note to the reader:  the author refers to the line 1 of the lrt, baclaran-monumento line.

i believe the reason the late president ferdinand marcos had the lrt built is for the common people to have an easier, faster and more convenient way of travelling.  this could be true for the first few years after the lrt has been founded.  yet now, it appears that it is even easier to travel using one’s own car than riding the lrt.

i have been a regular lrt "rider."  i opt it because of the belief that i would reach my office on time.  but believe it or not, all my tardiness were caused by patronizing the lrt.  several times have i experienced arriving early at baclaran station and finding myself surprised because there are no trains.  20 minutes will pass and still there is no single train approaching.  after another 5 minutes, one train will come.  it will stop in front of the passengers.  all passengers are eager to enter. however, after a minute or two, someone will announce, "hindi po magpapasakay ang tren na iyan!  next train na lang po!  konting atras lang po!  next train na lang po!"  and all can just say is "putangina!" or "fuck!"

another factor is the growing population.  growing population means growing number of passengers.  well i could not blame my countrymen for this.  i still believe that it is the lrt management that should adjust and not us.  but new trains.  or fix the old ones.  there are many options for one company to serve its customers.  they should and must always see to it that the patronizers are served well.

sometimes i wish to bomb the trains at night (so that casualties will be avoided).  but then what will i ride then in going to work?

fuck lrt management.

am i walking down the right path?

am i really happy?  or is the happiness i am feeling right now just apparent?  or maybe i am happy in just a particular aspect of my life?

emptiness.  why do i still feel empty?  why?

does my frustration over my work have something to do with this?  or is this a sign from above that the life i am living now is not the life He wants for me?

shit.

do i have to return?  do You want me to return?  oh please show me the way.  i pray that this is the way.  i am contented with i have now.  i ask nothing more.  but Your will be done.

=’(

kahapon ay mayroong tatlong special events na nangyari.  una ay ang hostage taking sa may liwasang bonifacio sa maynila.  pangalawa, ang pagtatapos sa kolehiyo ng kapatid ko.  sa wakas.  panghuli, syempre, ang monthsary namin ng baby ko.

kwento.

alas-kwatro ng hapon simula ng  graduation ni bunsot.  alas-dos pa lang umalis na ako ng opisina.  undertime.  ayos lang.  sa le pavillion yung venue.  so pumunta akong lawton.  balak ko sanang mag-fx hanggang edsa.  kaso walang dumarating na fx.  dala kasi nung hostage taking.  sarado kasi mga kalye.  so nag tren na lang ako.

pagbaba ko ng edsa station ay sumakay ako ng jeep na biyaheng mall of asia.  muntik pang hulihin ng kotong cop yung driver dahil sa akin.  sumakay kasi ako kahit bawal.  ahahahaha.  anyway, bumaba ako sa may malapit sa toyota.  tapos nilakad ko na lang hanggang le pavillion.  pucha ang init!  syet!

ok forward.  graduation rites na.  dahil cruz kami, isa sa mga unang tinawag si bunsot.  pagkababa niya ng stage, umalis na ako.  dahil yung isa sa mga babae ng buhay ko (tatlo sila bale: si mamu, si bunsot at si baby ko) e papunta ng RP.

forward ulit.  dumating na ako ng RP.  nagkita na kami.  pucha!  ang ganda niya!  ang sexy pa!  bahala na kayo kung ano iisipin nyo sa akin pero di lang siya maganda, hot pa!  nagpagupit siya.  sa unang tingin di halata.  pero pag tinignang mabuti e mapapansin naman.  nagpa-layered siya.  ah pucha ang ganda niya!  bi ang ganda-ganda mo talaga kahapon!

akyat kaming 4th floor, bibili ng ice cream.  nagke-crave kasi kami sa selecta moo ice cream.  e wala.  kaya ayun baba kami sa 3rd floor, puntang g-box, may nakitang nagtitinda ng belgian sundae cone, bumili kami, naglakad papasok ng g-box habang kumakain ng ice cream at magkayakap.

nang maubos na ang aming kinakain, bumili kami ng tokens.  hehehehe.  heto na.  arcade to the beat na.  marvel vs. capcom muna nilaro namin.  gusto ko kasi siya bawian.  tinalo niya kasi ako dun for three consecutive times dati.  ayun nabawian ko naman.  hahahaha.  tapos tekken tag.  3-1 ang standing namin.  hehehehe.  tapos yung gem fighters na.  taena talo ako.  hahaha.  kunwari di raw siya marunong.  langya expert pala dun yung asawa ko.  hahaha.  ok lang.  nag-enjoy naman ako eh.  muntik na nga siya umabot sa final boss eh.  dalawang kalaban na lang sana.  kaso natalo na siya.  sumakit na kamay.  pero proud ako.  galing eh.  bawat panalo niya hinahalikan ko pa siya sa pisngi.  hehehehe.  after nun nag air hockey kami.  talo ako.  kasi naman may pampa-distract siya sa akin.  ayun.  tapos yung huli naming token eh pinanood niya ako maglaro ng jet ski ata.  hehehehe.

after arcade e libot lang kami.  kumain nang saglit sa wendy’s.  tapos nakipagkita kina dadoy at bunsot sa chef d’angelo (9pm na nun).  kumain kami together with my dad and sister.  hehehehe.

matapos nun eh hinatid ko na siya sa kanila.  sa jeep may nakatabi pa kaming amoy arabo.  literal!  pucha ang baho talaga!  hahaha!

ang saya ng mansari namin.  mas masaya kami ngayon.  mas solid.  mas malakas.

kimi wo ai shitsuzukeru, baby.  i will keep on loving you, baby.

"so much for all the promises you made, they served you well and now you’re gone and they’re wasted on me.

so much for you endearing sense of charm, it served you well and now it’s gone and you’re wasted on me."

some lines from the song "rapid hope loss" by dashboard confessional.

eversince my childhood, my parents would everyday assure me that they would never separate.  so i grew up thinking that i would have a complete family until the day i die.  but that picture was shattered when they decided to separated when i was fourteen.  i was hurt.  i felt betrayed.

when i was 16, i courted a girl (who’s now a good friend of mine and is currently the girlfriend of my very good friend, carlo).  she told me that there’s hope.  may patutunguhan ang aking panliligaw.  but then, after several months of continuous courting, she said that friendship is all she can give to me.  talk about hope.  this was the second time i felt betrayed.

december 2002.  i met another girl.  she became my girlfriend.  the times spent with her were the happiest days of my life.  so i thought.  after eleven months of sweetness, love and a promise of her not leaving me, we broke up.  she broke up with me.  strike three.

i don’t know what do you call a man who sticks at others’ words.  but i am like that.  if a promise has been made to me, i really expect that promise to be fulfilled.  if a friend of mine says he will meet me at this date, time and place, i expect him to be there, unless a real emergency happened or he cancelled it earlier.  and if it has been set that we will see each other, i would really expect and set my mind that we will see each other.

that’s why i am going nuts.  that’s the reason i am going berserk now.  i am hurt.

how does one make up to a person whom he has broken a promise with?  will the trust be the same?  will the love still be the same?

others might find me weird or over-reacting.  but there are people who easily put their trust and high hopes on others especially if those people have already been a part of their lives. 

i am one of them.